Wayward Son
by FolkFanatic
Summary: Part One of my new 'Wayward Son' series. Dean isn't pulled from hell until far too late. Sam-centric, alternate reality after Season 3.
1. Prologue

_Wayward Son_

Rated: OT (16+)

Pairings: Sam/Ruby, sort of one-sided Sam/Lucifer (you'll see what I mean later on)

Warnings: Angst, violence, language, slash, het, adult situations

Summary: Dean returns from hell far, far too late.

Disclaimer: I don't own any recognizable characters or events and I am NOT profiting off of this story. It's written purely for entertainment purposes ONLY, and because patience is not one of my virtues (I hate waiting for season six).

**Notes**:

Dean is NOT a part of this first story. Sorry Dean fans, but this fic (and most of the series) is Sam-centric. Dean WILL come in at the end of the next part, and will be a part of the third. Again, though, this whole series is mostly Sam-centric. If the series goes well then i MIGHT write out a version as seen by Dean. Maybe. Probably.

Takes place roughly two years after Dean is sent to hell so some events in the series don't (or will not) happen.

Events from the series WILL pop up from time to time, but they won't be exactly the same because I don't have the patience (there's that word again!) to go back and copy them line by line.

Will contain OOC moments for all characters I use, though I'll try to keep them as close to canon as possible.

This fic IS finished - i will post the chapters (there are seven after this prologue) every few days. I'm hoping for a few reviews per chapter but i won't "require" it as some other writers do. Hint: reviews keep me going. Any flames or rants will be used as gerbil bedding. Don't like what you read, then don't read it. Plain and simple. I welcome CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. And FYI: the second part of this series is ALSO finished, and the third is about 90% done. There will four fics for this series in total (or so i plan) but that could always change.

Part One of my "Wayward Son" series.

Prologue

Pages: 6

Word Count: 1,697

Sam Winchester slouched down and let his head fall back to rest on the tan leather of the 1967 Chevrolet Impala's door. He kicked his shoes off and propped his feet up on the opposite door handle, vaguely wishing that he hadn't spent the last of his money on the whiskey. He was just too tall to be sleeping in the backseat comfortably and the hotel down the street, as crappy as it looked, was sure to have a bed he could stretch out on.

But the need to drown himself in alcohol far outweighed his need for a bed. The need to numb the physical and mental pain and anguish far outweighed the want of comfort. He slurped at the drink as he settled in to get a few hours rest before he would hit the road again. His sleep, however, was anything but peaceful.

When he wasn't dreaming about seeing his brother ripped to shreds by hellhounds he would see his brother's lifeless face and glazed hazel eyes staring up at him in frozen horror, or the dirt being thrown onto Dean's make-shift coffin complete with thudding sound effects. In the end he slept for about three hours and then gave up: he was used to it by now.

He shoved his shoes back on, didn't bother with the laces, and climbed haphazardly into the front seat. He banged into the shifter, nearly smashed his head on the steering wheel, and finally managed to sit upright in the drivers seat. He turned the Impala on with shaky hands, smiling a bit at the throaty rumble, and burnt rubber on his way out of the small town he'd just – barely - saved from a nest of vampires.

It was on to the next town – maybe the next state - and hopefully the next hunt. But hunting was no longer a job to him, and no longer so much a means of saving lives - though he still fell back on that when he felt depressed. Instead it was more of a means of filling the void left by Dean's death and a way to vent his anger and frustrations on things that deserved it.

Ghosts, poltergeists, vampires, werewolves, and a few low class demons – all fell to his anger. His frustration. His despair. He recklessly hunted them down and jumped in swinging, not caring that he would usually be injured in the resulting melee. He was beyond caring at this point – he had nothing left to live for, so why bother? So he traveled. And he hunted. And he pushed his boundaries to the limit. And he punished himself for his stupidity, when need be.

He managed to hustle some money when he stopped a few days later at a town screaming with omens, and made his way to an old decrepit hotel where he booked a room for four nights. After he got a little bit of shut-eye and allowed his most recent wounds to heal he would hunt down the demons like all the others. Hopefully with more success at the killing part and not so much with the getting injured part.

Sam entered his room and shuffled inside, closing the door and flipping the lock closed as an after thought. "Well, you look like shit." He jumped in surprise, glanced up, cursed himself for not being more vigilant, and scowled at Ruby in her coma-patient Jane Doe vessel. "Well, are you done feeling sorry for yourself or do you want more time to mope?"

"Leave me alone." He mumbled, kicking off his shoes and throwing himself messily onto the single bed. He stretched out on his stomach, and sighed – much better than the backseat of the Impala, although his feet where dangerously close to hanging over the end. Ruby shuffled around in the room until he felt her directly behind him.

"Sorry Sam, but I can't do that." He didn't have the strength to protest as she gently climbed onto the bed and lifted a leg to straddle his thighs. She'd been coming and going ever since Dean died, which was why he wasn't overly concerned by her being there, whispering to him and trying to coax him into using the powers borne of Azazel's blood.

"The answer is still no." He said wearily, half-heartedly. It was Dean's dying wish – don't use your powers, don't do anything stupid. But as he hunted, failing just as many cases as winning, he found it harder to deny Ruby and today he just didn't have the same energy as before. Those damned vampire must have taken a lot out of him, or maybe it was life in general.

"Dean wouldn't want you to do this." She knew just what buttons to push and Sam sighed, ready to argue back. "You're failing, Sam. You need to embrace your power and learn to use it. You'll save more people that way and you'll be strong enough to go after Lilith." Right, Lilith, the bitch who sent Dean to hell. Sam sighed and rolled himself over so he could stare at Ruby.

"I AM doing what Dean wanted." He replied. "Saying no to you." She scowled a bit. "So leave me alone, would you?" She slowly leaned down until her full length was pressed against him and he had to admit to himself that the closeness, the heat, felt nice – he hadn't allowed anyone to be this close since Dean. A part of him was screaming at him but he didn't have the energy to tell it to shut up.

"Sam, I'm just trying to help you. I won't always be able to step in and save you." She hinted, referring to the time where she stepped in to stop a demon from decapitating him. It hadn't been one of his better moments. "Think about it – you'll be strong again. You'll be able to save more people, kill Lilith, and you might be able to do something about Dean."

"Ruby." He sighed and rubbed at his burning eyes.

"You know you want to." She said softly, nuzzling his neck. "You know what you have to do." She inched up and he felt her press against him with a hum of pleasure. He let his hands fall to his sides. "It won't hurt, and I promise you won't go evil on us." He was unable to stop his head from tilting sideways, allowing access as she kissed him.

Not for the first time he began to wonder why he was saying no to her. She wasn't exactly evil – evil wouldn't step in and save his drunken ass. Would it? He sighed in confusion, not knowing what to think.

_If I do it, I'll be a freak_.

He lifted his hands to her hips: he already was a freak, though. He had demon blood in him and there was no changing that whether he used the powers or not. And taking in more demon blood wouldn't exactly hurt – right? It would just… boost his powers. Make them easier to control, like she said. Right?

_I'll be an abomination._

What did he really have to lose?

_A monster._

He wouldn't be using the power for evil purposes, though. He wouldn't be a monster.

_Dean asked me not to._

But Dean was dead – he was totally and utterly alone and his brother wasn't coming back to him. And that was part of the problem. Sam could feel his will power slipping away as Ruby moved against him. He felt her hands run up and down his sides, teasing at his shirt. As one finger hooked under the end and pulled it up, Sam let out a deep sigh and just relaxed his body.

He groaned as she teased his shirt up, lifting up when she poked him gently. She pulled it off and tossed it aside, and Sam lay back down on the bed. He lifted his hands to pull at her top but she brushed them away with a smile.

"Let me, Sam. You just lay back and relax." Sam complied and opened his eyes in time to see her pull her shirt off – she wasn't wearing a bra and he blinked sluggishly. "You'll see, it'll be okay." She leaned back down to kiss him and he let her, groaning as he hands traveled around his chest and abdomen, brushing lower and lower every second.

Her hands touched him through his jeans and he huffed. She laughed softly and unbuttoned, unzipped, and tugged on his jeans. He lifted up and she got up for a second. He watched her through dull eyes as she pretty much undressed him before climbing back on.

"It's okay. Just lay back and trust me." She smiled at him and he dimly noted that the smile was a bit creepy, but pushed it out of his mind. It was probably just her 'I-won' look. He dimly noticed that she was wearing a skirt today, so he could feel her heat as she pressed against him and he let out a few panting breaths.

The next few minutes where a blur as she touched him, pulled him out of his boxer briefs, positioned him, and leaned back onto him with a strangled moan. As she moved she brought out a gleaming silver knife and made a small slit on her upper arm near her shoulder. "Up." She said softly. He sat up, one arm circling her waist to keep her steady and the other bracing on the bed. She continued to move as she guided his lips to her shoulder.

He hesitated, panting, second thoughts whirling through his head. But he eventually gave in and let her coax his head until he was able to put his mouth around the wound. He heard her moan above him and she moved faster as he hesitantly suckled at the wound.

It was over all too soon. She pulled away from him and lay down beside him as he panted, struggling not to cry. He could feel the blood running through him, the power – he could also feel the despair at having failed his brother.

He didn't know which felt worse.

TBC


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter One

Pages: 6.5

Word Count: 2,258

Ruby stayed with him at the dingy motel for the next few days. The day after his first "feeding", as she was calling it, he used the hotels crummy Wi-Fi to track down the demons he originally stopped in this town to get. They where staying in an old warehouse – what was it with evil things and old abandoned places?

"So you'll help me get rid of them?" He asked her as he tucked various weapons into hidden caches on his person – some holy water went into a strategically placed rip along the sleeve of his jacket, a knife went in the top of his boot, a gun tucked into the waist band of his jeans, and a little vial of salt went in the cuff of the sleeve not hiding the holy water. She looked a little uneasy as he handled the multitude of weapons, but eventually nodded.

"But don't use your powers yet." She cautioned as he patted himself down to make sure everything was in place and not going to fall out. "I want you to have another feeding tomorrow before I head out before you try anything." Sam shrugged and led the way out of the hotel room. He hadn't planned on using the powers just yet – at least not on a group of demons. That was too risky. He couldn't risk them getting away and alerting any other demons.

They made their way to the warehouse and he let Ruby lead the way inside with the blueprints he'd sketched on a sheet of paper, deciding to trust her judgment for the time being. Didn't hurt to have her in his eyesight, either. She led him around the back way and through a maze of corridors until they came across the main storage room.

Sam counted the demons – four of them. It would be tough, but do-able especially with another skilled fighter to lend a hand. Ruby disappeared in the mess one way and Sam circled the other. Then in true Winchester fashion he took aim and fired a round of silver bullets into the group with the small hand held pistol he'd tucked in his waistband.

In the ensuing chaos he noticed Ruby hop out of hiding to take on two of the demons with the nifty demon-killing-knife he wanted to "borrow" from her at some point. He jumped into the fray to deal with the other two and he led them in a series of hand-to-hand combat moves around the warehouse, toying with them until he noticed Ruby finish.

He blinded them with a splash of holy water and quickly began to recite a rather powerful exorcism. He evaded their grabby hands easily and watched as they dropped to their knees. He finished the incantation and their mouths opened – with a scream the black smoke poured out and spiraled up. The smoke dispersed quickly and the bodies fell.

"Nice that you memorize those." Ruby said as Sam checked the bodies over. Both where dead and he felt a stab of sadness. "Perfect Latin, too."

"I've been studying Latin since I could read." Sam shrugged. "And yeah, thought it would be a good idea to memorize a few exorcisms considering something always happens. Don't know how many times a book, or a few pages, would get blown away in the middle of a fight." Sam shrugged. They made quick work of burning the bodies and walked slowly back to the hotel room.

Sam showered, checking his body over and taking stock of any new injuries. He spotted a few new bruises but nothing major, he eventually decided. Ruby was in bed when he got out and after a brief hesitation he joined her. She surprised him by not initiating sex and just cuddling up to him – it was a pretty odd experienced but Sam managed to fall asleep, drifting in and out until the next morning.

He was jerked awake when he felt her move against him, and he didn't try to stop her as she crawled on top of him. She pulled the knife out and made another cut on her arm. As she leaned down to let him drink she ground against him until he was more than satisfied.

She ended up leaving as he packed his stuff together to get back on the road, promising that she would meet up with him again soon. He felt torn – part of him screamed that she shouldn't leave him and the other part screamed that he would be better off without her. He didn't know what to think anymore and he just sighed in defeat.

He checked out of the hotel, evaded the flirty grandmotherly figure attending the desk, and brought his stuff to the car. He leaned into the trunk to double check that things where put away properly and to refill the flask with holy water so he could tuck it away again for future use.

"You're heading down a dark path, Samuel Winchester." He jerked in surprise and smashed his head painfully on the Impala's trunk, whirling around with a grimace to see a normal looking man in a suit and rumpled trench coat standing behind him. "You need to stop this before you get in too deep." He spoke in a monotone, blue gaze intense and focused.

"What are you talking about?" Sam asked, rubbing his head and pretending that he didn't have a clue. Which he didn't – he could only guess, and that guess was that this had to do with Ruby. "Who are you, anyway?" The look on the man's face deepened to a frown.

"If you continue to do this," He motioned his hand and immediately Sam knew that his suspicions where right - he was talking about Ruby, the blood, and his powers. How the guy knew about that he wasn't sure. "Then I will not be able to stop all of Heaven from raining down on you." Sam snorted and slammed the trunk shut, narrowing his eyes at the guy. "You will be hunted and you cannot run for long."

"When am I not hunted?" Sam countered, angry. "Look, I appreciate the warning but leave me the hell alone. I'm doing this so I can save people and get rid of Lilith." He moved to the front of the car, intent on ignoring the guy.

"You and I both know that is not the full truth." Suddenly the guy was in front of him and Sam took a step back, pressing into the car. "Leave her behind. Don't get in contact with her again. Don't fall into her web of deceit. This will be your only warning." Then he was gone with a strange sound of fluttering feathers and Sam glanced around warily.

"Right. Okay. Just another odd day in the life of a Winchester." He muttered to himself, shaking the weird feeling off and climbing into the car. He thought about the strange words and sighed. "Buddy if only I could do that – but she's all I got right now." He admitted to himself, starting the car and peeling out.

He didn't look in the rearview mirror or he would have seen the guy watching him leave with a heavy look of sadness.

He traveled at a steady clip for a few days, stopping only for gas and to stretch his legs when absolutely necessary. He wanted to put some distance between himself and that creepy guy. Thing. Whatever he or it was. Food consisted of infrequent fast food meals, snacks from various gas stations, and shakes. He stopped for some real rest only when he crossed the state line.

He pulled into an overnight parking lot with a sigh and shifted through his cash. Coming up short, he sighed and once again got ready to spend a night in the car. He settled in the back, making a face that he once again wouldn't be able to stretch out fully. He readied himself for a restless night only to be rudely awoken by a sharp rap on the window. He popped up to see Ruby watching him and when he motioned to her she appeared next to him, one hand on his arm. He didn't even have to open the door.

It had been four days since he saw her and he grimaced at himself when he leaned slightly into her touch as if he'd actually missed it. She smiled at him in that strange, knowing way that made him a little bit antsy. "There's a demon holed up not too far from here. Get some sleep and then we'll go get it. It's the perfect opportunity to test your powers." She said.

"Okay." He agreed. She surprised him when she tucked herself into the crease of the door and seat and pulled him against her. He stiffened a bit and wanted to protest, but found he didn't have the energy. He gradually relaxed against her as she stroked his hair, his arm, and eventually his chest.

He fell asleep like that and when he woke again he found that he'd actually slept five hours. Three more than usual. She kissed him as soon as he was fully aware and he melted into her touches. His mind still screamed about the wrongness but his body betrayed him and eventually the protests stopped.

"Ready?" She asked. Sam nodded once. He ended up following her to an old farm house, where they made quick work of seeking out the sole demon, trapping it, and binding it to a chair in a devil's trap. It wasn't that hard – the demon was newly risen and not even fully in control of its vessel.

When the demon was secure, Sam rubbed at his arms in hesitation as Ruby watched him expectantly. "Just concentrate. Visualize what you want. Then do it." She made it sound so easy. Sam nodded and raised his arm as a focal point.

He visualized the demon in front of him, the smoky mass pouring from the mouth of its vessel. He felt a slight pressure and to his surprise, the vessel began to choke. Wisps of smoke filtered out but almost immediately went back in. The demon laughed at him.

"Get angry, Sam." Ruby suggested. Sam tried again and the pressure in his head built as the choking started and the black wisps of smoke poured out. He could hear Ruby egging him on, even as he lost control of it and the demon retreated back into its vessel. He clapped a hand to his aching head and gasped for breath.

"You're too weak, boy!" The demon laughed again.

Suddenly Ruby strode forward to bury the knife in the demon's throat. "Not funny." She said. Sam staggered to a couch tucked away in the corner and sat on it heavily. "You're bleeding." Sam gasped as she walked over to him and gently used a finger to wipe away a trickle of blood from his nose. "You almost had it, Sam."

"What..?"

"You don't have enough juice. It wouldn't have been a good idea for you to keep trying." She mused. Sam hung his head a bit, getting his breathing back under control as she paced. "We should set up a schedule." She finally said softly. "So you're getting it regularly. It'll help, I promise." Sam's gut clenched at the thought but he didn't know if it was from disgust or something else.

He wiped his nose on his sleeve and she crouched in front of him. She nuzzled her nose into his neck and he sighed. Her arms wrapped around his waist and gasped lightly as her nails trailed up and down his back.

"Ruby…"

"You need more, and you need it now." He found himself nodding as she shrugged off her shirt. He could see the faint line from where she previously cut herself and nearly arched up off the couch as she shifted her hands to touch him. The same knife came up to cut her shoulder again, and this time he just let his head fall forward.

He could feel her unzip his jeans as he fed and he moaned. She shifted onto his lap and he lost himself in her heat. When he once again became aware of his surrounding they where both lying on the couch and he could feel the dust tickle his nose.

The demon's dead vessel stared at him with empty eyes and he pushed at it with his mind until it fell over backwards. Ruby jumped in his arms and laughed at him. Then she tucked her head under his chin and went back to sleep.

The next morning they burnt the body in the basement and Ruby turned to him. "I think I'm going to travel with you for a while until we get your powers under control." She said. "You'll get some blood every three nights and we'll go from there." Sam found himself nodding in agreement and he sighed. "It'll be okay, Sam. You'll see."

She tucked herself up to his lanky body and he let her nudge his arms around her shoulders. He watched the body burn over her shoulder and told himself that he would work harder – his goal would be exorcism without killing the vessel. As if she could hear his thoughts, Ruby smiled into his neck.

"We'll get there." She said. "And we'll get to Lilith." He nodded in agreement. He had to believe it – if he didn't then he was damning himself for no reason.

TBC


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Pages: 6.25

Word Count: 2,166

Note: I'm going to shoot for a minimum of 2,000 words and around six pages per chapter. Hopefully I can keep it up.

The second time he and Ruby cornered a demon he had more success. It only took two tries, a little bit of coaxing from Ruby, and he was able to banish the demon back to hell where it belonged. His head pounded and his nose bled a little bit, but he felt a sense of accomplishment and pushed the niggling voices of warning back to wherever they came from.

Unfortunately the vessel didn't survive and he felt a pang of remorse before they burnt the body and moved on.

As promised, Ruby never left his side. She provided him with the companionship he had missed after Dean's death. Little by little he felt his distrust fade and inhibitions slacken. The voices faded away to nothing. He knew Dean would hate him for this but he felt that he was doing the right thing – Lilith would die and that was all that mattered. It helped that he would eventually get a handle on his powers, so eventually he would be saving people in the process.

As time passed – days to weeks, weeks to months - he listened to Ruby's concerns, and with a little bit of coaxing he completely stopped taking Bobby's calls. He wouldn't return the hunters messages, either. Because Bobby, Ruby told him, wouldn't understand. And Sam agreed, though his heart ached at the loss of his father-figure.

He no longer called other hunters for leads, not that he did much of that to begin with, because he agreed with Ruby that they would more likely hunt him than help him. He steered clear of major cities to avoid being spotted, and took to slumming it in the Impala or places he could sneak in with Ruby.

His powers grew little by little. Ruby would help him find demons and then would help him trap them for him to practice on. He fed from her every three days, like clockwork. Eventually he was able to use his powers to expel the demon without killing the vessel, though he found that it was hard to keep said demon under control while he concentrated on banishing it. A couple of times he almost lost a demon, and Ruby would go shooting after it for him.

As he worked on it more and more he found he was able to just send the sucker right to hell and skip the expelling part of the equation altogether. The first time he did it, he passed out. He hadn't since, and Ruby was pleased that she no longer had to chase after escapees before they could alert the whole demon network as to what they where doing.

Eventually he got to the point where he could use his abilities to locate a demon – it was a pretty nifty thing to be able to do, actually, because it also meant that he could sense when demons where in his presence - and then he could trap it and exorcise it all in one go. No more drawing devil's traps, no more salt and holy water.

Now they where moving up the food chain, so to speak, and onto more challenging hunts. His powers where more than ready to be pushed, and Sam located a whole nest of demons for them to work on. His first multiple demon hunt, and Ruby would only chime in if needed. He pushed all thoughts of Dean aside, almost guiltily.

"Are you sure you're ready for this?' Ruby asked as they pulled up outside an old warehouse. He nodded – he was itching to fight and he was fast loosing himself in the adrenaline and rush of the battle. "Forget it, you are." She smiled at him. "Let's go."

He followed her inside and the snuck around until they located the demons – four of them. Sam concentrated on them until he could feel their power – another useful trick he'd uncovered just recently – and found them to be very weak. This would be a snap, he could tell.

He separated from Ruby and made his way around to the nesting demons. All hell broke loose as he let out an excited yelp and dove headfirst into their midst. There was a scramble of action and Sam happily danced around with the foursome until he grew tired. With one thought he raised a hand and they all froze, fighting against an invisible force. It was amusing to see them moving without actually getting anywhere.

"Winchester!" One of them howled. Sam ignored him and concentrated. One by one the vessels dropped to their knees, mouths oozing black smoke. One after the other the demons where banished to hell, screaming and cussing, and Sam eventually relaxed. He wiped the blood from his nose and Ruby joined him.

"That was good." She pressed against him. "You pushed a little too hard." Sam grimaced. "Eventually the nosebleeds will stop, don't worry." Suddenly she quieted and glanced around. Sam frowned a bit at her edgy behavior and wondered if they missed a demon or something. "We should leave. Now." She said urgently, quietly.

"What, why?" Sam asked as he pulled away to check on the vessels. Every last one of them where alive and he grinned. Ruby quickly pulled him to his feet and urged him to move. "Ruby, what are you..?" That's when he felt a strange vibration run through him. Like he was doused in ice water.

"Samuel Winchester." Sam felt a cold chill ripple through him again and he hesitantly turned towards the voice, which was located somewhere up in the rafters. He heard Ruby swear and he saw her eyes shift to black briefly. "You where warned not to use your filthy powers." His mind shifted briefly to the trench-coat guy he'd left several states back. This was not him, Sam realized as he caught sight of the owner of the voice. This guy was taller, beefier, and black. He didn't look half as friendly, either.

"Sam, we have to go." Ruby whispered. The guy swooped down to stand several feet away from them and Sam stiffened. Suddenly there was a blast of air and they went flying. Ruby cried out in pain and Sam landed heavily on his back, blinking up at the ceiling. The guy stooped over him and Sam gasped as a burly hand wrapped around his throat and pulled him up.

"You cannot be allowed to live." Sam gasped as his airway was cut off and he concentrated. The man grunted a bit but nothing else happened. "You dare use that filth on me, boy?" He shook Sam like a ragdoll and Sam whined deep in his throat. He tried again and the man roared at him and tossed him. He slammed head first into an old stack of boxes and screamed as he felt something sharp slice his face open.

"Sam!" He heard Ruby, but didn't have the energy to lift his head as he gasped for breath. There was a sound of scuffling, some muted cursing, and then a flash of light. He opened an eye to see Ruby standing over him. "Shit. Can you get up?" Sam nodded and let her help him to his feet.

"What was..?"

"No time. I'll explain later. Keys?" Sam shoved a hand into a pocket and fished them out. He staggered along with her to the car, and fell heavily into the passenger's seat with a groan. "We have to get lost, fast." He wanted to protest – only he and Dean could drive the Impala – but he didn't have the energy. He leaned against the door as they peeled out.

He passed out briefly and when he woke up they where parked in the woods. Ruby was gone and Sam looked around until he noticed the trunk was open. Ruby stalked around to his side and opened the door. He flinched away from her touch and he noted that her fingers came away with blood on them.

"This is pretty bad." She said. "I can fix you up a bit, but you have to stay still." She absently put a hex bag on the dash of the car and he gazed at it. "That's so he won't find us again." She commented. He noted dully that she had the first aid duffle at her feet. "Now hold still so I can clean this up."

Sam obediently held still as she wiped at his face, wincing when she rubbed too roughly or hit the wound itself. "I don't know if I should stitch it." She hesitated. Sam sighed deeply and pulled down a visor to glance in the little mirror. He grimaced at his reflection and the gash that ran from his temple to his cheek. He dimly noted that he was lucky his eyes was intact and there was only a bit of a scratch on his lid.

"Stitch it." He mumbled. "Just around the middle where it's deepest." He leaned against the seat as she readied the sutures. "What happened back there?"

"Nothing good." She set to work and Sam closed his eyes, wincing and grimacing every few seconds until she pulled back. "It isn't the best but it'll hold." Sam nodded wearily. "You have some very powerful enemies." She commented. Sam forced his eyes open and stared at her. "How did you piss off the Angels anyway?"

"That was an Angel?" Sam asked as she rooted around and found a flask of whiskey. He took a generous chug of it and passed it to her. She took a swig, poured some on a cloth, and then patted at his cheek.

"Yeah. They're absolute pricks but I don't know why they're after you." She said as she helped him maneuver to the back of the car. "They have friends everywhere so we'll have to be extra careful." She warned.

"Yeah, sure." Sam fell back onto the seat with a sigh.

"So any clue? I gather from what he said, this isn't the first run in you've had with them?" Sam opened an eye to see Ruby watching him, genuinely curious.

"Never met that one, but… there was a guy a ways back that said the same thing. Roughly the same thing." Sam said quietly. "He was a bit nicer though. I guess he could have been an Angel." Ruby snorted.

"Angels are unfeeling douche bags." She said with some malice. "They can be worse than demons – if something they don't like, or something that can threaten them, pops up then they go all smite-happy. They must be worried about your powers – and if they're worried, that means I was so right. You're going to be very powerful." She wrinkled her nose and Sam sighed. "At least demons give you the chance to be recruited, huh?"

"There is that." Sam found himself agreeing. "So what do we do?"

"For now, nothing. Find out why they want you dead, but lay low. The hex bag will ward them off for now but we'll need to stick together. If you take it, they'll find me – if I take it they'll find you." She hummed. "I should probably put another one together so we each have one, and maybe make a back up."

"I'm guessing since you haven't mentioned it yet, that we can't kill them?" Ruby tilted her head a bit, and then shook it.

"Lore says only another Angel can kill an Angel. I've never heard of any person, beast, or demon being successful so I guess it's true." Sam frowned a bit. "Yeah, doesn't seem fair huh?" She grinned ruefully. "Take your complaints to the Man Upstairs, if he'll listen." Sam slumped in the seat and let out a puff of air.

"Let's take a week to just travel." Sam suggested. "I don't know about you but I feel like I was hit by a bus – I could use a few days to just get the hell away from here and rest up." Ruby nodded. "We'll stock up on hex bags and I'll look into researching other ways to hide from Angels."

"Good idea." Ruby agreed, almost sounding tired herself. Sam turned to her.

"I'm sorry I pulled you into this mess. Seems like all I do these days is get people…" Ruby shushed him by putting one finger to his lips.

"Put the puppy eyes away, Sam. I came to you remember?" He nodded. "And you're stuck with me until… well, you're just stuck with me." He voice softened. "Don't worry about me, please. Instead, focus on what's important. Keeping away from them, working on your powers." Sam nodded and she leaned in to lightly kiss his lips. He sighed as she pulled back. "Now, are you okay with letting me drive a while so we can get even further away?"

"Yeah." Sam sighed in defeat, hunching down a bit more. Ruby went about cleaning up the area, leaving no trace that they where even there. Then they where off, leaving behind a cloud of dust.

TBC


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Pages: 6

Word Count: 2,002

After a week of dodging Angels, researching how to ward them off or possibly kill or injure them, and letting the gash on his face heal Sam finally got sick of the "time off" and pinpointed the location of a demon that he just couldn't let get away. It wasn't a powerful demon by any means, but reports and research – not to mention Ruby's intel – pointed to this demon being bothersome and malicious enough to catch his interest.

Not to mention he was itching for an actual fight where he could use his powers again, though the pit stops to take care of a poltergeist and a vengeful spirit where decent enough warm ups. He could feel the adrenaline pumping through him at the prospect of hunting another demon, and he had a brief flash of panic and despair at the thought before he pushed those emotions away.

Ruby readily agreed to the hunt after a quick examination of his face, declaring it to be healing nicely and ready for more action. The sutures where all but removed, only one or two left in where the injury had been the deepest. She also poked and prodded his ribs, which where also well on their way to being healed, and gave him a quick pick-me-up to help him reign in his powers so he could control them easier after the time spent not using them.

They made their way across the tail end of Nebraska to a suburban home on the outskirts of a recently built neighborhood. Sam eyed the picture-perfect homes, complete with white picket fences, in envy as they passed through thinking that it would have been nice to have this with Jess. He once again damned Azazel for ruining his life – and his family's – but pushed the thoughts away to get his head back into the current hunt.

Thankfully the demon had possessed a vessel who had no family, so they where able to sneak into the home without alerting anyone other than the grey and white tabby cat sitting by the window sill. There was no burglar alarm to speak of, despite the apparent high quality of the home, and Sam rolled his eyes. Ruby shooed the cat away from them with an amused grin.

Sam led the way up the stairs, moving silently but quickly, and into the only lit room where the demon was admiring himself - or rather his new vessel - in the mirror. The demon was in now way ready for a battle, and wasn't prepared for them. Sam smirked as the demon whirled around in surprise upon seeing them in the mirror and led the demon into a battle where he fought to keep injury to the vessel at a minimum. Not that he didn't place a few solid punches, or sweep the demon's feet out from under him a few times.

Finally he had enough for the time being and froze the thing without a second thought. If he continued he might have hurt the vessel beyond repair, and he told himself that doing so would have been against the whole point of exorcising the monster.

"Damn you and yours to hell." The demon spat as Sam let his eyes fall halfway shut. He leisurely forced the demon out of its vessel and as Ruby stepped up beside him he tilted his head and held off exorcising the thing. With the demon still under his control he clenched his hand into a fist and conjured an image of the demon in pain. He was surprised when the demon shrieked in agony, the smoke twisting upon itself multiple times.

"What are you doing?" Ruby asked, eyes wide. Sam shrugged and sent the demon to hell. "What was that?" She pressed against him, pulling his attention from the unconscious – but still breathing - vessel to her.

"I don't know. I wanted it to hurt and it did." He explained simply. She gave him a small smile. Before he could dip his head to kiss her a shot rang out and she shrieked in rage as she was blown away from him. She hit the wall with a dull thud and a curse.

Sam turned to the doorway in a flash, eyes narrowed in rage and confusion. "Well I think this is a first – demons killing demons." The figure said, cocking his sawed off again. It swung between Ruby and Sam, as if he where unsure which to shoot. Sam tilted his head at the burly man in confusion. "Then again, demons are in it for themselves so I shouldn't really be surprised. Huh?"

"But i'm not a…" Sam tried to protest but the guy jerked his gun and cut him off.

"Save it, you piece of demon-trash." Sam blinked in surprise as Ruby slowly rejoined him, hand held tightly to her side and scowling darkly. She leaned on his arm a bit for support. "Wait, don't I know you?" The man tilted his head suddenly, the look on his face screwing up in confusion. "You look awfully familiar."

"Sam, we should…"

"Sam? As in Sam Winchester? John's boy?" The rifle lowered a bit more, the man's eyes wide in surprise. "Well I'll be damned." His gaze took on a look of pity, which made Sam's blood boil because he so did not need this guy's pity, and he raised the gun again. Sam stiffened and tilted his head down to look upwards through his bangs at the man in a mildly threatening way. "Get the hell out of the kid, you filthy piece of…"

He didn't get to finish as Ruby flashed to knock the gun from his hands. Sam blinked at her speed – damn but she could move, even when injured. She kicked the gun away and the man – hunter – backed away and fumbled in his pocket.

"Run, Sam!" Sam didn't pause to question her, he just took off running as the guy pulled out a good sized flask. He heard a fight break out behind him but didn't stop running until he was back at the car knowing that Ruby could take care of herself against a hunter, even whilst injured. Ruby joined him shortly after with a smug grin. "That was close."

"Why did he think I was a demon?" He asked.

"Because your eyes are black, Sam." She gently maneuvered him to look in the side mirror and Sam sighed in realization and defeat. There was no turning back now. "Now we're going to have to be on the look out for Angels, hunters, AND their informants." She complained. "We're going to have to be extra careful now Sam."

"I know. Is he…?"

"I didn't kill him." Ruby sighed. "I should have but you would have been upset. He'll be a little sore in the morning, and a little bit… embarrassed, but otherwise unhurt." Sam didn't want to know what she means by that, so he stayed quiet. She started to pace and Sam tried to think of where this hunter would know him from. He couldn't remember running into him before and figured that the guy was one of his dad's contacts. Maybe even an old hunting buddy. "Sam, I'm going to have to bail on you for…"

"No." Sam said, a bit startled at the vehemence in his tone. His gut clenched at the thought of Ruby leaving him and he felt sweat break out on his forehead, all thoughts of the hunter forgotten.

"Sam, calm down. I'm not leaving you for good." She stopped pacing and pressed herself up against him, smiling softly. "I need to look into getting new hex bags that will put us under the radar from more than just the Angels." She explained. "It'll just be for a few days."

"But what about...?" He bit his lip, not wanting to voice his need for her blood out loud.

"I should be back in time for that." She teased with a smile, reaching up to kiss him. He leaned into her and sighed. "Don't worry. I want you to get as far away from here as you can and lay low for a bit. Think of it as a vacation. I'll meet up with you."

"We just had a vacation, but okay." Sam agreed as she pulled away. "Are you okay?" He ghosted a hand over the shot wound and she smiled. He couldn't see any other wounds on her, though her top was a little bit damp.

"I'll get that fixed, too." She promised. And then she was gone. He felt a pang in his gut and his heart started to beat faster, before he calmed himself down and managed to climb into the car. He pushed in a random cassette tape as he revved the engine and fled the area.

Taking Ruby's advice he floored it and drove as fast as he could to get away from the house, the neighborhood, and the hunter Ruby said she hadn't killed. He didn't bother to check if she was lying – he didn't really want to know, though he felt vaguely guilty at the thought.

As he drove just under the speed limit down a long stretch of highway, he felt her absence and his gut clenched again. He didn't like being alone again, even though he knew that this would have been his life if he hadn't caved in. Moving from place to place, hunting alone, and weak. He frowned at himself and found himself wishing for Dean again.

_He won't take you back._ A little voice said in the back of his mind. _Even if he somehow comes back from hell, even if you pull him out yourself - you're nothing but an abomination. A monster. Something else for him to hunt._

He drove on for a long while trying to ignore all thoughts of his brother, the demon blood running through his veins, and his screwed up life. For a while the music drowned out the thoughts and the pain but when he pulled over and tried to take a quick nap later on that night he was woken continuously by dreams. Nightmares.

Eventually he found an old house and hid the car amongst some bushes and trees, trudging inside to double check that it wasn't inhabiting by humans. Or ghosts. Once he declared the coast clear he dropped onto one of the left behind couches and sighed deeply. But he didn't sleep.

Instead he pulled out his laptop and managed to find an internet signal – he was pretty surprised to find one all the way out here to be honest - and poached it. He surfed around his bookmarks for anything related to Angels, but ended up googling it when he found nothing. Just as before when he'd tried to research, not much popped up.

After an hour of shifting through fan sites, religious sites, and other questionable sites he stumbled on one that seemed legit. He read through it but didn't find anything on warding the things off. He sent an email to an old contact using an alias and hoped the guy would be able to find some more information for him.

He spent some time organizing his desktop and surfing his bookmarks to delete stuff that wasn't good anymore. Eventually he grew bored and closed the laptop, disconnecting from the wireless signal and shoving the machine away in his bag. He set about cleaning the weapons he brought in with him, disassembling them completely.

He worked slowly, cleaning each piece of each weapon and laying them out to move on to the next. He reassembled them just as slowly, if not slower. Then he did it again. And again. Until the weapons where gleaming and spotless, almost like new. He packed them away one by one, taking the time to also clean out the trunk of the car and re-arrange everything.

Anything to keep his mind off of Ruby, Dean, and anything else in his screwed up life.

TBC


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Pages: 6

Word Count: 2,010

Note: This chapter was hard to stretch to meet my minimum goal. On the freewrite it was maybe two pages and a few hundred words. First time going through to add and edit I got it to 5 pages and 1,484 words. I patted myself on the back with this one!

Ah, the word count only includes the actual story and not any of the notes!

Thought I would add – if there's any scenes you want to see from the show in this fic, let me know cuz I can probably work them in here in some way/shape/form. Or if there's anything not from the show you want to see. I'm pretty flexible.

Days passed and Sam felt the ache of loss deep in his gut, a feeling he hadn't had to deal with since Ruby came on board. Or was it when he got on board with Ruby? Either way it wasn't as bad as those first months after he lost Dean, and this ache was different than the ache of losing a close family member. This was the ache of being alone despite having someone readily able, available, and willing to be with you.

Add to that fact, he was suffering from what he believed to be withdrawal symptoms. He knew that his eyes had gone bloodshot, which he supposed was far better than black in terms of keeping himself low key and off the radar, and his stomach rebelled violently every time he moved too much or thought too much about food. He was sweaty and shaky and his strength seemed to leave him at random, inopportune times.

He was so out of it he really didn't want to get behind the wheel of the Impala to drive unless absolutely necessary. The car was all he really had left of Dean and he wasn't about to crash it and lose that too.

He knew it was because he needed his 'fix', made worse because he was stressed over Ruby's disappearance, and he cursed at himself for letting himself become addicted to the blood in the first place. He needed it, bad, now but his mind kept screaming at him. _You deserve this for betraying your brother!_ _That's what you get for slumming with evil! Suffer, because it's all you deserve!_

The thoughts popped up every now and then, distracting him almost as much as his discomfort. He added 'headache' to his of pains as the thoughts morphed into actual voices that had him looking around the room every so often as if expecting someone to pop out at him. They where so real that it was more than a little bit freaky.

It was during one of these inner monologues that the Winchester luck once again came into play – apparently he hadn't been as under the radar as he had hoped. He cursed to himself when the door burst inwards. An eerie, supernatural wind blew in to disrupt the salt lines. He stumbled to his feet, gut clenching in foreboding. The wind was soon followed by a small group of demons and he double cursed as they swarmed all over him, cackling in glee.

He tried to push them away but they kept coming back. His powers didn't want to cooperate, barely ruffling their hair and clothes when he _pushed_ at them. His weapons where too far away for him to reach, so they where useless too. He was too weak to take them all on physically and he knew it. They knew it, too. "You're nothing without your precious Ruby, huh?" One demon taunted as they cornered him on the couch and pinned him there.

"Without your bitch girlfriend."

"And to think Lilith was afraid of you!" Another teased. Sam pressed his hands to his aching head as he tried to keep them away with his power, managing only to ruffle their clothes again a bit. They all laughed at him. "You're nothing but a spineless coward!"

"A piece of filthy half-breed trash!" They hissed at him and pulled him off the couch. He curled up on the floor as boots began to strike at him randomly. "Not even strong enough to run away!" They continued to dance around him, taunting him and kicking him. He felt blood drip from his nose and cursed himself again.

"Your family must be so ashamed of you! But then again, maybe they'll enjoy your company down in hell." He scowled at them as they kicked him onto his back. He eyed the knife one of them held and held his breath, waiting for them to use it. They never got the chance to. There was a flash of brilliant light and the demons all jumped away from him with screams of agony. Sam glanced up and felt himself freeze as the tall black guy from the warehouse entered the room, followed closely by the brown haired guy that had warned him the first time.

Angels. Things had just gotten ten times worse.

"Look, a five for one deal." The taller one said coldly, a smile playing around his lips. "Today must be my lucky day." One demon let out an unearthly shriek as the guy stared him down – light blasted from his eyes and mouth and the vessel dropped. Dead. Sam stared in shock. The rest of the demons shifted nervously.

"I told you, one warning." The brown haired guy said to Sam as he managed to climb to his feet with a groan, wanting to be on more even footing with these guys even though he knew he didn't stand a chance. "Why didn't you listen?" The guy actually sounded a bit mournful, almost wistful.

"I'm saving people. Killing demons. And I'm not the one killing the vessels as I do it." Sam spat out, eyeing the big guy, as he leaned a hand against the wall for balance. Both Angels frowned. Another demon went down screaming and Sam cringed. Not at the pain the demon must have felt, because he certainly caused demons enough pain when he worked them over, but at the thought that he would eventually be next in line. He wiped the blood from his nose and spat out some that had gotten in his mouth.

"Look at you. You're pathetic even for a human." The black one said with a sneer of disgust. "You can't even stand upright." They stalked closer. Another demon went down in a flash of light. Before it could happen again the remaining demon exited the vessel and fled. The Angels barely glanced at it as it left through one of the windows.

"We warned you, Samuel." Brown-hair said again. He seemed content to follow the other guy's lead, staying one pace back and off to the side.

"My name is Sam." They glanced at one another and moved closer. "Stay away from me."

"Weak. Pathetic." Sam growled and _pushed_, sending them back a few inches. "And you – again – dare use your filthy power on me!" Sam was sent reeling into the wall and he groaned. "You're nothing but a filthy little maggot."

"Your powers won't work on us." The other one said softly. Sam staggered away from the wall, looking frantically for an exit. "I truly am sorry you couldn't listen to us."

"You're not my dad." Sam spat. "Shouldn't have to listen to you."

"Sources say even if we where your father you wouldn't listen." Sam flinched at that one, but silently agreed. He never did listen to his dad like Dean did. "Now enough chit chat." Sam felt his breath whoosh out as he was lifted and slammed into the ceiling. He fell to the floor with a groan.

"Don't play games, Uriel." So the black guy was called Uriel. Sam grunted in pain. "Finish him now. It is not our way to… torture." He pulled himself to his hands and knees and was violently thrown across the room again. He let himself flop to the floor and didn't bother to get up again. He coughed up blood.

"Vermin." Uriel spat again. Sam felt a boot kick him onto his back and he looked up at the Angel whose name meant 'God is my light.' There was a dark sneer on his face and Sam sighed in pain. Then he felt a stab of agony flash through his head and he yelped. Soon enough he curled in on himself as white-hot agony spread through his body. His body convulsed.

Then there was a shout, some scuffling movements, and suddenly Uriel and the other Angel where gone. Sam felt his body twitch and he opened his eyes as hands rolled him onto his back. "Sam, damnit I'm sorry I took so long!"

"Ruby." He croaked. He was pulled up to lean against her and he whimpered pathetically.

"It's okay. Here." Suddenly her wrist was in front of him, already cut and oozing. Sam greedily bent towards it and bit down hard. She let out a yelp but he felt her sooth his hair as he fed. "Shit you're a mess. We've gotta do something so this doesn't happen again. But first we need to leave. They won't stay away for long."

Eventually she coaxed him off of her and he let out a deep sigh. She bent down and kissed him, and he let her without protest. She pulled him up and supported most of his weight – which later on he would see as pretty remarkable considering his size - as they moved out to the car. Sam piled in the passenger seat and she once again fished out his keys.

They drove for a while. The pang of withdrawal was gone and Sam felt content. It scared him deep down, but couldn't find it in himself to care anymore. At least, not right now he couldn't. He dozed with his head on the window, waking only when the car stopped. "What happened?" Ruby asked softly as Sam turned to her, rubbing his eyes and blinking awake.

"Withdrawal, I think." Sam replied. "I got sloppy." He admitted. "I couldn't even defend myself against the lowlife demons that swarmed in before the Angels arrived. I was pathetic." He sighed heavily.

"I wondered what the other bodies where from…" She said softly. "And I know, about the withdrawal. I'm sorry. We need to work out a way to wean you off of the blood so you can strengthen your powers without needing it." She said. "I'm kind of surprised you DO need it though – you really shouldn't, at this point, unless something's wrong." Ruby mused. "It shouldn't be too hard to figure it out, though. Don't think about it again, I'll work on it. How did the Angels find you?"

"Best guess? They must have followed those demons." Sam pulled the hex bag from his pocket to show he still had it. "Only thing I can think of." He paused. "How did you get rid of them?"

"My contact showed me a nifty little spell." Ruby grinned. "And I got more hex bags." She pulled out a slip of paper and handed it to Sam. "If you draw that with blood – any blood – it'll send any Angel within a mile radius packing." She grinned and Sam took the time to memorize the symbol.

"Nice." He said.

"I also got a general seal that we can put on the car – it's sort of like the seals you put on the trunk to keep demons out." She handed him another paper. "It'll keep the Angels out of a small area – like the car – and keep them from tracking it." Sam nodded, memorizing that one as well. "They really tossed you around." She commented.

"Yeah." Sam sighed, putting the papers in the glove box where they would hopefully stay safe.

"Anything broken?" She asked. Sam frowned and did a mental inventory. He moved both arms and legs, rolled his shoulders, and stretched.

"I don't think so. Just bruised I think." He said as his muscles protested some of the movement. He could feel it most in his gut and along his back, both places having received most of the beating. "I'll probably be black and blue tomorrow." He said. He prodded at his split lip and poked around his head for any weak spots. "No stitches needed, either." He sighed, thankful for at least that little reprieve. A few more minutes and he concluded that the healing gash on his face hadn't been re-opened and was only a little bit tender.

"Good. I'm going to keep driving so feel free to doze – unless you should stay away?" Sam shook his head and settled in the seat. Ruby nodded once and they hit the road again.

TBC


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

Pages: 6

Word Count: 2,017

Ruby cut back his feeding to once a week and cut back on the amount of blood she was giving him, and Sam eventually got used to the change. His stomach would pang at first, and he would get feverish, but then things evened out. As Ruby had predicted everything seemed to fall together and he was as strong as ever.

Then she disappeared for a day and returned with a sheet of paper and a grin on her face. "I think I know why you where having problems with the blood. I was right – you shouldn't need it to maintain or use your powers!" She said, waving the paper around. "So I looked up an old buddy of mine. Turns out Azazel never finished the ritual."

"He what?" Sam asked hesitantly as he tried to read the writing on the paper. He was unsuccessful and he scowled a bit.

"Azazel was interrupted before he could finish." Ruby continued. "He never bound the demon blood he gave you TO you." She finished. "Which is why your powers are weak unless you drink some and why you seem to need it." Sam frowned a bit, thinking it over. It made sense. "My buddy managed to get a copy of the ritual Azazel used and said it should work to bind the blood."

"Which would do what?" Sam asked. He could feel the scholar inside him shoot up eagerly to learn, even thought another part of him cringed. "And what happens if we don't do it?" Ruby frowned a bit. He waited for her answer.

"If we don't do it, you'll continue to need blood to use and control the powers. If you stop drinking the blood then you could eventually lose the powers altogether, or at least make it hard to use them again in the future." Sam tilted his head. "But Sam, if you don't bind the blood then you may not be powerful enough to defeat Lilith." That made up his mind and Sam nodded. "Good. It has to be done at night, but no specific time of night though midnight works best. No tie to any moon phases either." She rambled on. "All we have to do is get you to drink some blood and I say the magic words."

"That's it?" Sam asked, surprised. Ruby nodded. He narrowed his eyes at her in suspicion but she remained calm. "Sounds too easy."

"Well Azazel started it, and that's the hardest part. I just have to finish it." Sam pushed off the feeling of unease and nodded once. He would do it: to make himself stronger and to kill Lilith.

For a ritual, it was rather anti-climatic and boring. As Ruby had said, he drank some blood and she chanted in some strange language he couldn't recognize. Then he fell asleep, woke up, and immediately noticed that something was different. He no longer felt that burning that accompanied digestion of the blood and he felt a new calmness. Something inside him seemed to have shifted, he could feel it: and he realized that he had more control than ever.

He relished the feel of that power running through him, feeling full and confident like never before - even though at the time it made him feel guilty. The guilt was squashed though, as he told himself that he was doing this for good reasons.

A little bit of time passed before they hit the road again. As they traveled and looked for a means to test his new power, he thought back a little bit. His run-in with Uriel and the other Angel sparked in him a new hatred for them and all things holy. He brutally pushed their warnings out of his mind and focused on his powers as they drove. He could feel them so much better now….

Ruby finally found a hunt a few days later and pulled over to check in at a seedy motel. A quick romp in the sheets boosted Sam's confidence again and they move out to test his powers again. The demon, once again, was found in an old building. He was a weaker one, but Sam didn't care. Practice was practice after all.

Ruby motioned for him to take the lead, as was usual these days, and Sam led her inside with a feral grin. They trapped the demon in a spare room on the second floor and Sam froze it before it could so much as blink at them the wrong way. He instantly noticed that the powers where a fraction of a second quicker and tons more effective. The demon couldn't so much as blink.

The demon screamed terribly as it was ejected from it's vessel and Sam grinned as he squeezed it with his hand, making it twist and writhe in pain. "Weak." Sam mumbled at the demon, relishing a bit guiltily at the power he felt. It twisted and writhed until there was a strange popping sound and it curled in on itself. Then it disappeared in a dull flash of light.

Ruby jumped up and down in glee. She pressed herself to him with a strange growl and kissed him hard enough to bruise. He let her man-handle him until his back was to the wall, and then flipped them around so he could pin her there with his body. Somehow he managed to undo her jeans and push them down without tripping, and nibbled at her neck as she pulled him free of his own jeans.

They didn't even notice the vessel waking up during their coupling, and Sam ended up blushing when they finished and found him no-where to be seen. After that incident, he made sure to implode demons from time to time just to get that same reaction.

Fortunately they didn't have any more run-ins with other hunters, or Angels, but at night Sam would be kept up with nightmares. New ones, in addition to the old ones, that left him sleepless and frustrated. Uriel's words from that night would ring through his head. He knew his humanity was fading as time passed because he no longer felt remorse and no longer felt the need to hunt things down to save humans – he just hunted for the sheer sake of hunting.

Eventually the voices carried on into his waking hours. When he wasn't fully concentrating on the hunt then the voices would garble in his head until he felt like he had to bash his head against something to make them stop. Sometimes he would give in and do it, other times he would wait it out.

"It has to be the Angels." Ruby said when he told her about the voices after she'd found him in the latest motels bathroom, blood dripping down his neck and flecked on the sink. "They can't find us but that doesn't mean they can't hurt us." Sam sighed in defeat and let her distract him with sex.

Then it happened. The moment he had been waiting and preparing for. Ruby arrived at one of their hide-aways, out of breath and excited, eyes shining. "I found Lilith. She isn't that far away." Sam absently glanced up from where he was polishing the pieces of a stolen gun. "We've got her."

She climbed into his lap, pushing the weapon away, and he moaned as she rubbed against him. He lifted her up and carried her to the bed in the far corner, tossing her roughly onto the mattress. She grinned at him and he crawled onto the bed, sliding up her body and pinning her there with a growl. Her hands roamed to his jeans and he lifted his hips to help her get them off.

After it was done Sam got up and dressed quietly, pensively. Ruby watched him with a smile. "We can go after her tonight." She said softly. "She'll be at the cemetery, an old church yard." The irony wasn't lost on Sam – demons in a church. Not usual as holy ground repelled them, but not impossible. "You're ready." She said assuredly.

"I know." They finished dressing in silence and Sam followed her out to the car. He let her drive, focusing on pushing the voices aside so he could concentrate on Lilith. It wasn't easy. For some reason they where screaming at him – louder than after he'd completed the ritual to bind his blood. It took some effort to lock them away, but he did it.

The place was abandoned when they got there and they made their way inside, Ruby tucked silently behind him. They stalked down the empty halls, Sam forcing himself physically to not move any faster, until they reached the main chamber where several demons stood around Lilith and an altar. This was it. Showtime. He was finally going to get his revenge on Lilith for everything she'd put him through and for his brother.

Sam didn't even question what they where doing. He noted the lack of human sacrifice – something in his mind screamed at him and he pushed the feeling of suspicion away. One gentle nudge from Ruby and he bolted into the room with a wild yell.

The demons scattered, some of them panicking, and one by one he managed to freeze and demolish them, leaving their vessels alive. The lucky ones where sent to hell, the others imploded or went up in a poof of black flame. Finally only Lilith was left, watching them with calm eyes that made Sam growl.

"We meet again, Sammy." Sam scowled at her, wondering briefly why she was so calm. "Dean says hello." At the taunt, he pushed and she was shoved back into the stone altar with a yelp. She merely laughed softly. "You think your powers are enough?"

"No – I don't think. I know they are." He said as he twisted his hand. She started to gag, hands coming up to claw at her throat. But instead of pulling the demon out, Sam let it stay in the vessel and twisted his hand harshly. Lilith let out a feral scream. The vessel fell.

"Keep going." Ruby urged from behind him. Sam complied and the vessel began to shake uncontrollably. Lilith screamed out in agony. Eventually Sam pushed and Lilith went up in flames. He stepped back and wiped at the trickle of blood seeping from his nose.

"I did it." He said after a second of staring at the vessel in shock. Ruby sidled up beside him and he turned to her. The grin on her face was disturbing and he felt a trickle of unease. The voices slammed back, all of them screaming at him. He couldn't make out what they where saying now, but his head started to ache in tune wit the voices.

"Oh you did it all right." Ruby said in a strange voice. Sam frowned, but followed her pointing finger to the trail of blood arcing away from Lilith's vessel. "You did it!" She repeated, clapping excitedly. Sam was suddenly unnerved and took a step away from her.

"What did I do?" He asked meekly. Ruby beamed at him.

"You freed Lucifer." Sam felt his stomach plummet to his feet as the blood formed some sort of symbol on the floor. Ruby laughed as he shook his head in horror and denial. The voices suddenly went silent.

"No. I just wanted to kill Lilith. You told me…"

"I helped you kill her, just like I said I would." Ruby turned to him, eyes wide. "You never once asked me about Lucifer." Sam groaned to himself and mentally smacked himself in the head. The voices returned with a vengeance.

_Failure._ They screamed at him.

_Killer. Monster. _ He hung his head as a bright light filled the room.

_You started the apocalypse, and now the world will end. It is all YOUR fault!_

Sam screamed at them to shut up and fell to his knees as a brilliant white light erupted from the blood symbol on the floor. He cradled his head in his hands and wept in despair.

TBC


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

Pages: 6

Word Count: 2,062

Sam felt betrayed. He didn't even look at Ruby as he turned and fled from the small building. He weaved through the place until he broke out the front door, which had flapped open on it's own accord. His stomach twisted painfully. He managed to get a few paces from the door, tripped, and landed hard on his hands and knees as his stomach churned.

All he had wanted was revenge on Lilith, and to help people – yeah some of that got lost along the way, but he wasn't evil. He just enjoyed hunting. But Ruby had gone and twisted things until they hadn't made any sense and now he was responsible for the coming apocalypse.

He bent his head over a patch of grass and vomited.

The voices jeered at him some more and he groaned in agony. He had to get away from this place. He had to get away from Ruby. He crawled back to the Impala and pulled himself inside.

He eyed the hex bag that was hiding him from the Angels and contemplated getting rid of it so they could find him. He dry heaved again, but thankfully nothing came up. Once he felt his stomach settle he took a deep breath and started the car up. He pulled out without looking back.

He drove for two days straight. He didn't eat, he didn't sleep – his body was on autopilot. He could feel the same pang of loss and felt the deep ache of lonliness but he refused to summon Ruby back to him - he refused to have anything to do with the backstabbing demon from now on. He would be on his own. It was safest that way.

So he traveled. As time passed Sam could feel himself slipping away even further. The voices where constant, reminding him of his failures and cursing him to hell and back. His body ached and he missed his brother like never before. Eventually he stopped in a small town and pulled himself together best he could. He found a small diner, popped in for a light breakfast that he barely choked down, and zeroed in on a hunt.

Even though he was weak he decided that he could, at the very least, still go after ghosts and could muddle his way through a simple salt-and-burn job to get his mind off of things and to get himself back in the game – this time for a better reason than revenge. So he got his supplies together and, ignoring the bad feeling he had about this, made his way to the supposedly haunted house. The minute he stepped inside he realized that should have listened to his gut and turned around.

The ghost popped out of nowhere and managed to pick him up and drag him up the stairs by his hair and a handhold on his jacket. He lost his shotgun on the way up. It picked him up when it got upstairs and threw him into the railing, where he almost took a header and fell back to the first floor. He tossed a handful of salt at it and it screeched at him.

Before he could do anything else there was a sharp crack and the ghost vanished. Sam glanced up in surprise to see a hunter. He hesitantly stepped away from the rail, holding his aching ribs. "Pete, you find the bones?" The hunter called as he aimed his shotgun at Sam. Sam sighed - just his luck. Either his eyes where black – which happened a lot now – or these guys knew who he was. Either way he was in trouble.

"Got 'em!" Another voice called. There was a whooshing sound and then some pounding. Another guy joined the first and Sam huffed. "Who's this?"

"Found him tangling with the ghost." First guy said. Sam just stood there, knowing he'd get a chest full of rock salt if he moved. Wouldn't kill him, but would hurt like hell. "He look familiar to you?"

Sam decided he wouldn't stick around for them to figure out who he was. He let out a blast of power that shot them back several feet. Their guns lowered and he took the opportunity to flee. He leapt over the railing and landed painfully down on the floor below as they shouted in surprise. He shook off the pain and headed out with his tail between his legs, dodging gunfire as he ran.

And run he did - head-long into the Angels he hadn't seen in a while. He panted in exhaustion as they circled him. Uriel looked smug and the other one looked grim and despondent – both looked peaky and worn out. Sam had a bad feeling about this…

"Don't tell me you're still going to fight us." Uriel sneered. "After what you did? You deserve to die even more now than you did before." Sam didn't say a word, mentally agreeing with them.

"No more games." The other one said. "Uriel, just be done with it so we can try to clean up this mess." Uriel made a strange face and Sam felt his breath hitch.

"You mean clean up HIS mess. Like we're some sort of janitor." Sam frowned a bit as the other Angel suddenly turned to give Uriel a strange look.

"This mess is as much ours for not killing him quicker." Uriel turned to his fellow Angel with an incredulous look and Sam blinked. Where they seriously going to get into an argument with him standing there? He felt vaguely amused at the thought. "So get on with it…"

"Or what?" Uriel puffed up a bit. Things where getting stranger and stranger, Sam thought as the Angels duked it out. "You where the one who wanted to talk to him in the first place, I gave you that chance."

"And you where the one to play with him, let him get away the other times we cornered him." Sam stifled a hysterical laugh.

"You always where too soft on the maggots." Uriel sneered. The other Angel tilted his head. "Sorry, I mean HUMANS. Thinking this one would make the right choice, would follow our orders when we knew very well that he isn't capable of doing so."

"At least I gave him the chance to.." Sam frowned angrily and before he could stop himself let out an angry scoff.

"Cornering me and threatening me without giving me any explanation isn't 'giving me the chance' to do anything." Both Angels turned to him in surprise, almost as though they'd forgotten he was still there. "I didn't even know what you where."

"Doesn't matter. I warned you and you didn't listen." Sam scowled darkly and wished he could use his powers on these guys. He didn't want to chance pissing them off even more, though, so he didn't even try.

"You just blew in from nowhere and told me not to use the powers, didn't give me any reason to listen to you or anything like that." Sam spat. "Why should I have listened to you? I didn't know you, didn't know what you where, didn't know what you where talking about or why my powers where so horrible."

"And if we had told you we where Angels and the God didn't want you to use your powers, would you have?" Sam blinked, a bit taken aback by the question. He never got a chance to answer because there was a gunshot, a flash of pain in his side, and a bunch of screaming. The Angels flickered out and he saw the hunters from before making their way over to him.

He ignored the pain and took the opportunity to run. Fast. He made it to his car, fumbled with the keys, then gunned out of there fast and didn't stop driving for several hours, even when he felt the sticky wetness of blood running down his side. When he did stop, he tucked the car nearly out of sight and curled up on the bench seats with a sigh, not even bothering to check the wound.

Between the piss poor hunting, the hunters, and then the Angels…. He was ready to give up. He closed his eyes with a sigh.

_Let me stop the pain._ He blinked in surprise seconds later, as this new voice filtered in over the others that had started to mumble during the drive. It was soothing, not angry or harsh like the others. _I can stop it for you._ Sam closed his eyes again and sighed deeply. Nobody could stop his pain. _Yes I can, if you let me._

Sam blinked open his eyes. The voices faded and he sat up with a grimace. A quick glance told him that the wound he got from the hunters gun was more than likely infected. He lay back down again and let himself cry.

_You don't have to be in pain._ The voice said again, this time the only one. _You wont have to hurt, you wont have to think._ Sam groaned at the temptation. He jumped as ghostlike hands caressed his body and leaned into the comfort. _All you have to do is say yes._

"To what?" He gasped as the hands cupped him solidly.

_Let me in._ The hands stroked roughly, and Sam panted harshly in response. He opened his eyes. He didn't see anything, which ruled the voice out as a ghost. But his clothing was moving in time with the strokes. It was more than a little creepy and he briefly thought that he'd gotten in to so much trouble the last time he trusted…. _Let me in Sam and I can take away the pain._ But he decided that he didn't care anymore.

"Yes." A hand patted his chest happily and he relaxed as he reached a quick release. He floated for a while and when he came back to himself there was something different. He wasn't in pain or agony. He felt calm, relaxed.

_Good boy._ The voice was back and he opened his eyes. It was strange – he could see but when he tried to move his hands, nothing happened. _Just relax. I have control of your body right now._ It was a strange sensation, like watching a movie about yourself without having any control over what happened.

"Who are you?" He asked.

_Don't worry. It's easier if you just sleep and let me do my thing._ So Sam closed his eyes. When he opened them again he jumped in surprise. He was looking at himself in a mirror, only his face was twisted in an odd scowl.

"What the hell?"

"I figured it was time we talked face to face." Mirror-him said. "You're actually looking out at me, so you're the mirror image." Sam gasped in surprise. "Thank you for lending me your body."

"Who are you?" But Sam already knew. He had known back in the car, he just didn't want to believe it. He lowered his gaze in shame.

"Have no worries Sam. If you don't want to see what's happening then you're free to sleep." Sam glanced into the mirror to see four dead bodies lying behind Lucifer, and he paled. "They where demons that hurt you Sam."

"But the vessels!" Lucifer laughed.

"Do you really care anymore?" Sam didn't have an answer for him. Sam sighed. "The power you have is just incredible." Lucifer hissed. "And the body, what a body it is!" Sam shivered as Lucifer struck a pose, hands ghosting over his chest. Sam jumped, surprised when he felt the action. "I can control what you feel, Sam. You'll never feel pain again, but I bet you won't mind feeling this."

Sam felt majorly creeped out right about now as he felt Lucifer slide a hand in his pants. It felt like he was there, in control, touching himself – he could feel his hand on his flesh. But he wasn't. When he tried to pull his hand back nothing happened. Lucifer laughed and pulled his hand out.

"Done playing, Sam. I have work that I need to do." Suddenly everything was moving and Sam was facing away from the mirror. "Feel free to watch, or just sleep. Doesn't matter to me."

Sam opted to sleep, not wanting to face the reality. He was Lucifer's bitch, now. He'd failed once again.

TBC


	8. Chapter 7

Epilogue

Pages: 6.5

Word Count: 2,020

Note: Okay, THIS chapter had to be the hardest to lengthen. Not the other one. Went from 400 words to 900, then fought to get it above 1,700. Hopefully things make sense…..

Sam lost track of time as he drifted in and out of awareness. Lucifer was in full control and Sam just didn't have it in him to protest anything. At first he had been sickened by what he saw Lucifer doing while he was awake – murder, torture, rituals- but eventually he just accepted it and bowed to the darkness. It was easier to sleep and ignore, than to stay away and watch.

Because the voices no longer taunted him. He felt no pain. When he did tune in Lucifer would talk to him softly, encouraging him to relax and let go. Even though Sam could sense that Lucifer was doing so mockingly, he took a little bit of comfort in the following blankness and the pretty words that drove the pain and madness away.

Sometimes Sam would tune in at inopportune moments – once to Lucifer banging roughly into some random girl and a few times to Lucifer touching himself, one time of which was in front of a mirror. It was oddly disturbing to see your own body masturbating, to see your body having sex with another even though you weren't in control. Like watching a movie, but not at the same time.

Once time he came to and found Lucifer nursing a dislocated shoulder and some deep slash marks on his side. Sam almost smiled at the muffled curses and realized that Lucifer must not have felt pain in a long time. _"Let me?"_ He surprised himself by asking Lucifer if he could take over. He didn't rightly know what he was doing, he should be letting the demon suffer – but for some reason he couldn't

Lucifer retreated willingly and Sam gasped at the sudden pain. He steeled himself against it and managed to knock the shoulder back into place. He methodically cleaned and sutured the gashes on his side. He popped a few pain pills and felt Lucifer slip back into control. He let him without fuss and sank back into the painless haze.

This happened a few more times – Lucifer would hand over control, so to speak, and Sam would patch his body up. Then he would sleep until Lucifer needed him again. Lucifer never let him have control for too long, though, and never for anything but patch-work. Sam decided to leave things be and didn't fight over it.

_Damnit!_ Sam jerked to awareness and a strange sensation rocked through him. He tuned in almost hesitantly and was surprised to find that he was in a graveyard, surrounded by worn out vessels. As Lucifer spun around Sam caught sight of the Angels.

"_What's going on?"_ He asked softly. Lucifer didn't answer so Sam backed off, waiting to see what was going to happen. He focused a little bit and managed to tune into the conversation.

"You can't do anything to me." Lucifer was saying smugly. "You're not powerful enough." They circled each other warily. "How's Michael? Is he still looking for his vessel? Or can't he get it to say 'yes' to him?" There was a taunt in there and Sam watched Uriel growl in response.

"Not our fault his vessel is stronger than yours Lucifer. What, did yours just bow to the pressure and snap? Poor baby. Bet you have him locked up snugly in hell by now." Sam frowned a bit at that – what did this Angel know about him and what he went through?

"Uriel, enough." The other said, looking far more wary than his companion.

"Oh no, dear brother of mine." Lucifer replied. "He isn't in hell." Uriel and the other Angel shared a strange look of shock. "He's still here, floating around in my head. His head, rather." The brown haired Angel made a face. "He's been very helpful to me – he has such a nice, strong body." Sam felt shock ripple through him as Lucifer widened his stance and cocked his hips out. "It's very pleasurable."

"_What are you doing?"_ Sam asked in surprise and embarrassment. _"Stop touching yourself – me – and get us the hell out of here!"_

"I almost forgot how pleasurable it was to touch and be touched." A hand cupped him through his jeans and Sam almost felt amusement shimmer through the embarrassment as the Angels both looked mildly disgusted.

"You're disgusting, Lucifer." Uriel spat. "I'm guessing your vessel is watching? You always did have a sick mind."

"Thank you, Uriel. And little Sammy says hello." Sam huffed a bit. "Now I really have to get back to work here, so if you two don't mind – I have a date with Death." Sam briefly wondered what he meant and lost sight of the Angels as Lucifer turned his back to them.

"We can't let you do that, Lucifer." Uriel's voice boomed. Sam retreated a bit at the sudden screeching sound and settled for watching the action with a bit of concern. They went flying as something impacted behind them and Sam felt a bit of surprised pain leak through.

Lucifer rolled a bit and Sam saw Uriel standing above them. A leg came up to connect with Uriel's nose – quite the feat actually – and then they where spinning. Lucifer landed on his feet with a smirk. Uriel wasn't happy. Uriel said something, Lucifer must have responded. Sam was dragged along for the ride as Lucifer led Uriel in a flurry of kicks and punches, wincing as some of the pain from various hits leaked through.

"_Sorry about the pain."_ There wasn't an ounce of sorrow in Lucifer's voice. Sam knew he was just saying it to keep Sam in his 'good graces', so to speak.

"_Don't worry about it. Just get me the hell out of here."_ Sam finally said. Lucifer didn't respond. More pain leaked through and Sam grit his figurative teeth. Eventually Lucifer cursed loudly and Sam watched him make a slit on his palm. Lucifer mumbled something under his breath and threw his hand up – Uriel screamed in response. When the flare of light was gone, Sam realized that so where the Angels.

"_Won't get rid of them for long."_ Lucifer said. He turned back to what Sam realized was a huge pit. Sam tuned him out as the danger had passed, the sound of a strange chant on his mind as he drifted. _"Hello, Death."_ He heard as he drifted.

When he came to again Lucifer retreated almost immediately and let him clean, stitch, and bandage the hand he'd cut. Sam was left to his own devices, in control of his body for the first time in a long time, for a good couple of hours before Lucifer returned. He handed control back over.

"_Why did you taunt them?"_ Sam asked. _"Isn't that, I don't know, dangerous?"_

"_They don't have the power to hurt us."_ Lucifer replied stonily. _"The only one with that power is my brother Michael. Those two are just too young and weak."_ Sam frowned – they hadn't felt weak to him when they where kicking him around like a toy. _"Haven't you ever taunted your brother?"_

"_Not like that."_ Sam shuddered. _"What do you know about Dean?"_

"_I'm in your head, boy. I know everything about you. Everything about your life."_ Sam frowned. _"Now be silent so I can concentrate."_ Sam huffed a little but didn't speak again.

Being in control of his body without any pressing matters to attend didn't happen again since then, so Sam blinked in surprise when he woke up one day already in full control of his body. A mental inventory showed no wounds that needed fixed so he frowned, puzzled. It felt weird to be fully in control again, and he realized that he couldn't feel Lucifer anymore.

His head felt fuzzy, like he just woken up with a concussion, and everything was jumbled together so he couldn't focus properly. He also realized that he didn't know where he was, everything looked unfamiliar, but it didn't take him long to find out that he wasn't alone. Uriel and the other Angel where standing off to the side. He staggered to his feet and turned to face them, surprised and confused. "We don't have much time before Lucifer manages to break the spell we cast." The un-named Angel spoke.

"What's going on?" Sam asked roughly. "What happened? Where am I?" His words slurred together a bit and his tongue wanted to stick to the roof of his mouth it was so dry.

"You need to work with us. We need to send Lucifer back to his prison." The Angel said urgently. "We know of a ritual but you need to be in full control for it to work properly." Sam frowned. "We put a spell on your body so Lucifer would be… distracted. You are in full control and he can't influence you right now. It won't last long, though."

"He won't do it." Uriel said snidely, interrupting his fellow Angel. "He's gotten too used to being used as a vessel." Sam couldn't meet their eyes. Slowly his body started to sag with fatigue. He hadn't felt that in a long time. Some aches and pains where also making themselves noticed.

"Samuel, listen to me." No-name pleaded.

"No!" Sam growled softly. "Why would I help you when you've done nothing but try to kill me?" The voices that he hadn't heard in a long time slowly started to build again. No-name looked sad.

"If you don't help us then Michael will come. Your body will be damaged."

"It already is." Sam said miserably. He dropped to his knees weakly, unable to stand any longer. "Just kill me." He mumbled, hanging his head. The Angels glanced at one another in surprise. But before they could move, Sam felt Lucifer's hands on him. He'd broken through whatever they'd done.

The pain faded and Sam sank back into oblivion. He didn't bother to watch what was happening after that. He just didn't care. Not until Lucifer let out an unearthly scream that snapped him awake. Sam snapped back into full control of his body and he screamed in severe pain as he was pushed to the ground by an Angel – not no-name or Uriel, though. A different one.

He could see Lucifer swirling around them, trying to get back in, and the Angel pinned Sam to the ground painfully. He was chanting something that made Sam scream in pain, all thoughts of wishing for Lucifer to be back in control and the pain to be gone vanished from his mind. Then Lucifer sank back into the ground with a howl and the Angel stopped.

Suddenly no-name was there, talking to the other Angel. "Ahh…" Sam groaned. No-name glanced at him in surprise and crouched down, one hand reaching out. "No." Sam said weakly. He flinched away.

"The vessel lives, amazing." Two fingers gently touched his forehead and Sam panted in fear. His body didn't want to listen to him, even as he tried hard to move away. "And the demon blood has stabilized – but… It has been this whole time?" He sounded confused. "Just makes this easier."

"It is a risk. An abomination." The other Angel raised a gleaming silver weapon threateningly and Sam shrunk back, curling in on himself as best he could. "It should be put out of its misery."

"No."

"But Castiel!"

"I said no." Brown eyes now had a name – Castiel. Sam peered at him through squinty eyes. "I promised someone that I would not harm him." A hand hesitantly stroked through his hair before he stood back up and stared hard at the Angel. "I will take responsibility."

"Very well." The other Angel disappeared and Sam huffed. Castiel knelt down next to him and pulled him gently up into his arms.

"I am very sorry that this has happened to you." He said softly. Sam just stared at him, wincing and yelping when Castiel hooked an arm under his knees and stood up. Sam didn't know what was going on or why the Angel was suddenly being nice to him but he felt an odd sense of peace.

He closed his eyes.

END

Okay, not "end". To be continued in a second part: Cry No More

Thanks to readers/reviewers - i'm kind of surprised i haven't gotten more reviews. But ah well, one can hope. I'm working on a few other fics (including the sequel to the other Supernatural fic i posted) and i hope to have them up soon as well. Part two of this series should be up within a few weeks. There will be four parts (that i have planned anyway).

I'M ALSO TAKING SUGGESTIONS!


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